


All I can do (is keep breathing)

by givemesterekorgivemedeath



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Depression, Heartbreak, M/M, Tears, triggering
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-24 02:27:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1588280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givemesterekorgivemedeath/pseuds/givemesterekorgivemedeath
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Well this is just the beginning of a fic that has been a LONG TIME COMING. This is my first real and proper fic! So constructive criticism is more than welcome!</p>
    </blockquote>





	All I can do (is keep breathing)

**Author's Note:**

> Well this is just the beginning of a fic that has been a LONG TIME COMING. This is my first real and proper fic! So constructive criticism is more than welcome!

Stiles sat up in bed and looked over to his alarm clock. It was 3:40 in the morning. He didn’t really sleep much anymore. Not since Derek, Cora, and Peter had left. It had always been weird being in the pack, but not really having a place, not belonging. Despite this, Stiles loved his pack mates, and felt a fierce loyalty to every single one of them. But loving the pack whole heartedly—loving Derek whole heartedly, and not being able to tell him for fear of being rejected—was what had eventually broken Stiles. For the first three days, the entire pack lay piled on top of each other in stiles’ bed room, licking each other’s wounds. It had been six months now. Everyone knew about his love for Derek, and they kept checking on him, coming over for pack nights, watching him, and making sure he got up and continued with his life. But he couldn’t handle it all. He couldn’t handle being the pack mom without the pack dad. He did the everyday things like making meals and comforting the pack. He was being strong for them, because they looked to him for guidance, but occasionally he had nights where he just needed to escape. This was one of them.  
  
He got up, put on the leather jacket Derek had left behind, as well as a pair of shoes, and went down stairs. The pack was still puppy piled on the carpet. Everyone curled around Isaac, legs and arms entangled. They were sweet. And though they argued, and fought, and often gave each other injuries that should have been permanent, they took care of each other, and they took care of him.  
  
And in that moment, Derek’s absence rung clearly in the air.. And it hurt. He could feel himself start to break. So he left. He locked the door, and walked the five miles from his place to the ruins of the Hale house. When he arrived he sat gingerly on the stairs.  
  
“Well,” he murmured quietly to the house, as if it were Derek, “I miss you. So much. Too much. More than I should. The pack is good. Isaac, Erica, and Boyd have been inseparable since you left. Lydia and Jackson are still attached at the lips. Scott and Allison have finally worked their shit out. And I’m…I’m alive.  
I was so angry with you at first. I didn’t understand how you could leave. I didn’t get it. I still don’t…Just like I don’t understand why…I’m in love with you. Even after you left the pack. After you left me. I don’t fucking know what to do. Derek…”  
  
His voice became thick, and his vision, blurry. He furiously wiped the tears from his eyes but they continued to fall freely.  
  
“I don’t even know what I’m doing, Derek, and you can’t help me because you aren’t here. Scott tries, but he’s got Allison on the brain, and Isaac does what he can, but he isn’t you, and I can’t do this. I fucking cannot do this anymore. Nothing works without you. I don’t work without you…” He chokes out, angry at the fact that Derek isn’t there, and what hurts him the most is the silence. The emptiness that forces him to come to terms with Derek’s blatant absence. He tries to appease himself by wrapping himself tighter into the leather jacket, but the smell of Derek’s cologne is nearly gone. And Stiles isn’t sure how much more he can handle.


End file.
